Back to actual home or nowhere to go back soon.
Hey, Bear.
The deployment was somewhat chill and short, 17 days.
We setup the new position and worked without being hit. The way back also was easy and fast.
This post is not about it.
I am actually home right now. Just washed off the donbass dirt from myself and lying on my huge and clean bed.
I am renting this place for about 10 years. I wasn't here since I got enslaved by this system. Almost everything at the place where I left it.. I know where is my stuff and I have everything I need here. Fuck.
Not my plants though, they are dead.
Why am I here? The landlord started annoying me the last few months. Like pay upfront for 6 months, or at least two, because that's a new contract.
We never had a contract and I has been paying for a month upfront. I just don't want to be played anymore. The fucking society enrolled me into the military, now the landlord wants me to play their game.
Just fuck off me.
So I asked for 5 days leave to pick up and threw out my stuff and gave up the apartment. It also kinda makes not much sense to pay that much just for basically the storage. All my stuff don't really cost a year of the rent.
And now I've returned here, the place I always was. Where I am comfy but unhappy. But it is A PLACE TO RETURN. If I actually give it up I will have nowhere to return.
It sucks.
Will I ever return though?
Another topic on the table is if desert right now or return back to the military when agreed.
I have enough money to lay down for few years and wait till the borders open to quit this country forever. I never planned to stay here anyway.
Everything I used to is here. The chair, the table, the monitors, the speakers, the comfy bed, the stores and the good food.
I have none of that there.
What I am defending? My backpack? I will leave with it anyway. My nephew? She is also to relocate as soon as her husband is free to cross the border (also in the military service). Even the ash of my beloved dog is still with me, here.
Defending the graves of my family?
Or I defend here the polish, who will fucking beat me to death if I ever travel through their country?
Swiss or Croats? Those in my team don't seem to care.
God help me, I wanna cry.
I want to not be alone in all this shit. Always wanted to.
And always alone.
Where the fuck are you Ijustcantanymore