Eating walnuts. Desperate post, don't read.
Hey, Bear.
I was living of walnuts in the period of my apathy for few years.
I just didn't have any money or strenght to change anything, so I was wondering and looking for the walnuts trees in my neighborhood.
Now I'm eating them too. I feel shit, weak and...
Yesterday. It was 13 years since my brother died. My nephew said she visited his grave and said hi.
I still haven't seen her since the funeral.
I still wear his clothes. I used to have his clothes back to the days and I still have some with me. Sometimes I just want to walk in his tshirt.
I had two interviews with the military intelligence, they posted senior android vacancy. It went bad, I knew it will. They need someone with a good knowledge how to hack or steal or broke into another's phone. I don't have any qualification in it at all.
The issue is that there is no f way to get from a combat brigade into not combat one.
Also I wanted to get into a different battalion in my brigade, unmanned aircraft one, as an engineer. They say they have plenty of job for me. But my battalion's commander will never let me go.
These scumbags will use me until I fucking die as the fucking pilot. I hate this all, I can't handle it anymore and I HATE WORKING IN THE FUCKING COLD.
I had enough cold 8n my life.
The fucking lied to me, from the recruiting center they all yelled how they need an IT guy.
I will f suicide. I can't stop thinking of it.
But if I just shot myself they will not pay for my dead body to my nephew.
I fucking hate my life again.
And these fucking russians just don't fucking stop coming. The just come one by one and die at the same treelines every day.
I am angry.